We’ve all faced those pivotal moments in our lives; it’s the fork in the road. A few years ago, I faced a seemingly insignificant fork when I was passed over for a promotion. A promotion I knew I was qualified for. The feedback I received was that I was a poor communicator and that this had been going on for a while.

Initially, I was extremely irritated; if you think someone is struggling with a skill set, that person deserves to know their blind spot! As leaders, how can we expect someone to improve if they are unaware of a problem?

“It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.” – Vince Lombardi

After sitting with my self-pity and anger for some time, I finally decided I had a choice: I can choose to get better or become bitter. Whether or not I agreed with the feedback, to live up to my values and strengths, I knew I had to choose to become better; better at communicating up. The next challenge was how to accomplish this?

I’m a big believer that everything happens for you, not to you. This decision helped me navigate the treacherous waters of bitterness to find deeper success. Perhaps you’re in those waters now or you’ve come to the fork in the road. Here are 3 Cs to follow on your path to better.

Clarity

First, spend a good deal of time getting crystal clear on the issue you’re facing and the direction you want to go. How do you get clarity? There are numerous tools that can help you; DISC assessments, leadership assessments, Myers-Briggs, and Clifton Strengths tests to name a few. Regular sessions with a life coach can help bring clarity, as well as talking with colleagues, observing yourself, and picking the skill you need to learn.

“When you quiet your mind, you can enter a world of clarity, peace, and understanding.” – Alice Coltrane

Here are 10 questions to help you get started:

• What problem do I solve for others?
• What happens if nothing changes?
• What is the worst that can happen? Can I live with that?
• What would someone I respect do in this situation?
• When am I at my best?
• What am I most excited about now?
• What should I start doing? What should I stop doing?
• What could I work on now that would make the biggest difference to my life?
• Does my current work bring out the best in me?
• What am I afraid of?

I spent a long time with this process. Weeks, because I’m stubborn and I like to understand all the facets of the problem so I can use the right approach. Eventually I realized improving my communication skills was only one aspect of a larger issue for the future: raising my leadership lid. I started visualizing what life would look like if I didn’t make changes: a disgruntled government employee with no hope for the future. Yikes! No thanks. What would my mentors do and say? Perhaps because of my personality, one of the most important questions I mulled over was what is the lesson here? What am I supposed to have learned from this situation?

Change

Once you have some clarity around the larger issue, what do you need to change to improve the situation? After you spend time in self-reflection, learning about a new skill, or the options available to you what are you going to do to meet your goal?

“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” – Nathanial Brandon

Is change uncomfortable? You bet. Is it necessary? Only if you value growth and development!

If I was going to improve my leadership and communication skills, it was time to put my money where my mouth was. DISC certification helped to increase my self-awareness; how I respond normally and under stress. With greater self-awareness, we can shine a light on our blind spots and modify our behavior to meet the situations positively. Through my certification, I began hosting mastermind groups, transformations tables and webinars and continue to learn better ways of communicating.

Community

OK, we have clarity on the main issue, we know what needs to be changed, now comes accountability. Community can be defined as “a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists.” (emphasis added) I prefer the image one of my mentors, Chris Robinson, painted: a community is the LIGHT shining in the darkness of isolation. A LIGHT community is Like-minded Individuals Getting Help Together.

“Every successful individual knows that his or her achievement depends on a community of persons working together.” – Paul Ryan

Can you imagine what you can achieve in a community of people that share your interests and values? Once I understood my issues (clarity) and focused on what needed to improve (change), I found a community where everyone had a similar focus and just as important, similar values. It is so much easier to grow with people than growing alone and isolated. End result? I wound up getting the promotion I was originally passed over and learned a lot about myself in the process.

Review

Now it’s your turn. I assume since you’re here you’re looking to grow better, not bitter. Spend time getting really clear on the challenge(s) you’re facing and begin with the end in mind. What will you need to change to get better? And if you’re looking for a growth-centered community on your journey, send me a message; I know a great one!